Mom and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I went to sleep in an Ambien coma and now there’s mascara down my face and when the alarm went off at 6:30 am my son came in my room and said he had poop in his pants and while nursing the baby he vomited on my chest and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast we didn’t have any half and half or milk for my coffee. There wasn’t any fruit for my yogurt. Graham said he wanted blue nutri-grain cereal bars for breakfast but all we had were red ones and green ones.

I can’t wait for my vacation to St. John.

Getting ready for preschool I realized my computer was unplugged which means my cell phone was dead, my GPS monitor was uncharged, my iPod was unjuiced and my Nook had no power. I asked Jon why the computer was unplugged. He said he didn’t know.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

On the run to Graham’s preschool, Baby Will cried the whole way. During my shower he pooped out his pants and onto the carpet. When I went to pack a picnic lunch for Graham I remembered we were out of milk. Who needs milk? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because after preschool we were going to meet our friends at the park. I called them when we were on our way but they were already gone. I hope you had fun, I said to my friends. I hope the next time you go to the park I’m in St. John.

At the bookstore we went to go play at the train table but the train table was gone. Sorry, the book store manager said. It was expensive to maintain. It had germs. Corporate said we had to take it away.

It was a terrible horrible, no good, very bad day.

That’s what it was, because when we went to meet Dad for lunch we couldn’t find a parking space. We went to the burger place and there was no room. We went to the Mexican place and there was a tour bus. We went to the next best thing and when we were getting out of the car, Jon said we had to take him back to work because his meeting had been moved up.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day, I told the kids in the car. No one even answered.

When we finally made it to lunch and tried to split the check with my sister they said they couldn’t do it. They said they weren’t able to override the computer because I had a coupon. Come back another time without a coupon and we’ll be able to split the check for you, the waitress said.

Another time, I said, I’ll be in St. John.

So then I went home to put the kids down for a nap. Graham peed in his underwear twice and Will pooped in his diaper once and peed on me once while I was changing it. I’ll keep cleaning their bums, I thought, but they can’t make me like it.

When I was working in the office I found past due medical bills. Graham said he was going to play on daddy’s computer. I said OK but only if he’s careful. Uh oh, he said as the keyboard fell to the ground. I said please don’t play with machines anymore unless you’re booking a trip to St. John.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There was frozen pizza for dinner and Jon hates frozen meals. There was no beer in the fridge and I really wanted a beer.

There were only footy pajamas for bedtime and Graham decided he didn’t want to use his green toothbrush to clean his teeth. He hates footy pajamas. He hates his green tooth brush. The kids went to bed and Jon went to go hang out with friends. I was all by myself on a Friday night. I hate being alone.

When I finally climbed into bed Molly the Dog decided she had to go pee. Graham came running into my bedroom saying he was scared. I forgot to plug my Nook back in so I couldn’t read my book.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

As a mom, I know some days are like that.

But not in St. John.

**I hope you enjoyed reading my real-life version of “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst. It’s a favorite book of the Harding boys, although it’s much more fun to read than to live!**