I was at a Mom’s Night Out the other evening, when, inevitably, the topic of our husbands came up. Let me be the first to say, dear husbands, that when we talk about you, we don’t just talk dirt. We brag and gloat about you. We make our friends jealous by sharing how you brought us coffee in bed yesterday or how you took both kids out for dinner so we could have a night alone. And for that, we thank you. Every lady loves to boast about how awesome her husband is.
We love you, dear husbands. We married you and had children with you; a true testament to our adoration. But…. Could you please friggin’ put your socks in the laundry hamper????
It seems, every wife has to put her foot down at some point. At our mom’s night out, one woman testified that she flat out refuses to turn her husband’s shirt right-side-out when laundering and folding them. They get washed how they go into the hamper. Fair enough.
Another mom claimed that she would not put her husband’s clothes away. She’ll wash them; she’ll fold them, but she ain’t putting them in the drawer. I hear ya.
A third gal said that when she hits her breaking point and feels like her husband isn’t helping out enough around the house she just leaves. Walks out the door and forces daddy to take the reins. Good for her.
As wives, moms, and business women, we’ve got a lot on our plates. And, sometimes we have to draw the line with the men in our lives. This conversation with my friends got me thinking… Where do I draw the line? Well, here’s my list:
- I refuse to learn how the lawn mower works.
- I do not iron. Occasionally, I’ll iron my own clothes. No one else’s. If you’re a dude in my house, I suggest you buy wrinkle-free shirts.
- If it lands on the floor near the hamper and I end up washing it and your wallet, ID, change, or collar stays happen to be in the said-item, it will get washed anyway. I will not search items prior to putting them in the washer. I also will claim any money found in the washer as my own.
Things that I do anyway and will annoy me to no end:
- Throw away your trash: it is my honest belief that most men assume there is a trash fairy that follows behind them and throws things away. Attn: Dudes. There is NO trash fairy. It’s your disgruntled wife.
- Put away your dirty dishes: why do you put them in the sink? The dishwasher is just as convenient. I will never understand.
- Go through your mail: I understand that you had a system before you met me. That system was to leave mail in piles around your apartment and tackle it once piles start to fall over. That does not work any longer. We have babies and our baby likes to eat paper.
Where do you draw the line? What do you refuse to do, and what do you do that you think your spouse should manage on their own?
Imagine how this post would sound if written by a man about the things he won’t do and things that annoy him about his wife? And then asking other men to chime in? I know this post is written in the spirit of “good fun,” but it really strikes a nerve for me. I realize that in many marriages, women feel there is inequality. But I don’t feel posts like these help “raise the level of discourse.” If the goal is to empower women (and empower men to be better husbands and fathers), how about highlighting men happily fulfilling their roles of husbands and fathers? I know there are a lot of stay at home dads in Charlotte. Why not highlight men embracing and loving their full-time roles of being dads?
One of the reasons I have not joined the playgroup is the fact that dads are not welcome. My husband and I parent equally. Of course, I have some advantages over him – like lactating. For us, a joint approach works, so that neither one of us feels burdened by being the sole bread winner, or the lone ranger on the home front. This means at times we have both worked part-time, to prevent one parent from having long hours away from the family. I think it sets a great example to kids to see both parents cooking, involved at home and in their daily activities. I know this approach may not work for all families. But I feel we can all benefit by being more inclusive of the men and fathers in our lives, through our words and actions.
Thanks for the feedback, Mary. It’s great that you have such a participatory husband! Mine is helpful too, but I think in many relationships there a small things that irk us. And funnily it often involves laundry! I wrote the post in the spirit that we all have silly and small things where we sometimes put our feet down.
In regards to the play group (and blog for that matter) the intention was to create a community for mothers to engage. Where we can talk about breast feeding and childbirth and not be uncomfortable. I think it’s also necessary, though for dads to have a place to engage. Perhaps your husband should start a dads group or parenting group that matches your co-parenting family experience!