Surrender to Summer

A post from Noelle O., our CMF Lifestyle Coach: 


As we approach the end of the school year, moms all over the country are bracing themselves for the huge shift that summer break brings. If you’re like me, you probably have mixed feelings about summer. I love laid-back mornings, family trips and afternoons at the pool with the kids, but some days it seems like the summer sun will never set and nothing makes my eye twitch like a kid whining, “I’m bored.”

In the past, summer has been difficult for me because I worried that the momentum I’d gained over the past year would come to a screeching halt or even backslide. A positive lifestyle thrives on routine. Keeping up regular exercise, healthy diet programs and other forms of self-care can be difficult with the kids home all day. If you’ve read my other posts, you know that continuous personal growth is very important to me. I set aside time daily for self-reflection and journaling, a practice that is very hard to manage in a house with two rambunctious children. I have to rise before the sun if I hope to have any quiet time.

Over the years, I’ve changed my perspective about summer break, though. I’ve discovered that this yearly hiatus is actually a wonderful opportunity to focus on self-improvement. And the best part is, you can work on the following goals with your kids around.

Most people spend the majority of their day in the future or the past. As moms, we live mainly in the future. Right from the beginning, we look forward to the day when the baby will sleep through the night, finish teething, potty train, or finally start to school. We are too often in a hurry to skip on to the next stage when the going gets tough instead of slowing down to appreciate each day with our child for the gift that it is. Then, when the baby days are over, we mourn their passing. No doubt, we will look back on the long days of summer with the same nostalgia ten years from now.

Life is so scheduled and busy during the school year that it is much harder to be fully focused on the present moment. Therefore, summer is the perfect time to practice being in the Now. Spending quality time with your kids doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, it can be as simple as making lunch together. The point is to lay down your To Do list and your cell phone, and really focus on enjoying the moment.

When you find your thoughts wandering off into the future or the past, gently bring your attention back to the beautiful little face in front of you. You and your kids will find that life is so much more joyful and rich when you begin to master this practice. Being more present will also help with this next one….

The majority of my mommy clients confess to struggling with reactivity or angry outbursts. I’ll admit, I’ve lost it more than a few times myself over the past nine years. Summer break is a perfect time to practice non-reactivity because you’ll be with your kids most of the day and they will inevitably push you to your breaking point.

I find that I usually feel agitated when I am stressing about the future (worrying) or I’m stressing about the past (ruminating about a negative interaction I had earlier, feeling guilty or frustrated with myself about something.) Then, a challenging moment with my child arises and kaboom!

My anger is almost never actually about the thing I’m jumping up and down about. Here’s an example: I find it most difficult to control my frustration on school mornings. My five year old son is a dawdler and I usually have to remind him multiple times of the task at hand. If I’m in a good space, I gently redirect him and make a note to talk to him later about the morning expectations, and if I’m not, I’m biting my bottom lip to keep from raising my voice. If I’m in a bad space, it’s usually because I was dawdling on the computer too long before waking the kids and the morning routine is running fifteen minutes behind as a result. I’m actually mad at myself for loosing track of time again (ruminating on past) and my son is an easy scapegoat. I’m stressed because my kids might be late for school (worrying about the future.)

Of course, we have no choice but to be conscious of the future and the possible outcomes of our actions much of the time. What’s important is to be aware of the real source of your frustration so that it isn’t misplaced onto the children. Take a moment to breathe deeply and check in with your feelings when you start to feel the freak-out coming.

If you do explode, think through or journal about your anger afterwards. If you find that you feel victimized or disrespected by your child, this may actually be rooted in the fact that you haven’t been respecting yourself or your needs lately. When you figure out the cause of your anger, apologize to your children for your outburst and explain why you really were mad. This a great learning opportunity for both of you. I promise, if you make a habit of this technique, you will start to notice a significant difference in your level of reactivity. (By the way, this same strategy works when you’re feeling angry with your husband.)

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a mother is that it’s fine to have great intentions if you can be flexible with the end result. Children are unpredictable to say the least. We’ve all had the experience of rushing to get the baby home for his afternoon nap. You’re anticipating some delicious Facebook time or maybe you’re anxious to start tackling the pile of dirty laundry (notice all the future thinking.) You pull into the driveway only to discover that the baby is out cold in the backseat. You can risk transferring the baby and having him wake up or you can spend your precious alone time sitting in the driveway.

Here’s where the flexibility part comes in to play. Start with a deep breath and a check-in with your frustration. You aren’t really mad at the baby of course, you’re disappointed because you were planning and scheming again and it didn’t work out like you expected. Rather than spend the time irritated with what isn’t, make the best of what is. Grab a book and catch up on some reading or call your mom.

Summer is fraught with expectations. We envision postcard-worthy beach vacations only to be faced with a jelly fish onslaught. You anticipate a play date at a girlfriend’s house and the kids can’t stop fighting. You take the kids to the pool for a relaxing afternoon and some kid poops in the water. If you can master the practice of letting go of expectations, you’ll be able to roll with whatever life throws at you and teach your kids to do the same.

Be present, be calm, and be flexible. Play, paint, blow bubbles, frolic in the sprinkler, or run barefoot through the grass. Enjoy this precious expanse of time away from the rat race to enjoy the simple pleasures of childhood again. Surrender to summer and be happy.

Noelle Ostroff is mother to two spirited kids and the founder of the Mommy Coach ~ life coaching just for moms. Check out her website www.themommycoach.net or follow her on twitter @noelleostroff and facebook @ themommycoach. 


Have a comment or question for Noelle? She’ll be checking our comments and will answer any questions you have!