Grandma Birds

You know that “empty nest” problem we parents are supposed to endure?  Lasted a week, maybe two.  You haven’t gotten there yet, but teenagers are tough.  Eye rolling, arguing, and the silent treatment are daily battles. Once my daughters, Katie and Angie, were at college, I felt a surprising relief.  I was no longer in charge.  They built their lives.  My empty nest got filled.  I went to dinner with friends, found new interests, and established my own independent life.   I assumed they were solid citizens at school.  If they now try to tell me otherwise, I develop hearing loss.

My second confession will, hopefully, get me back in my daughters’ good graces.  The truth is I also worried.  I still worry.  I will always worry.  That’s my job.  I’m a mom.  I want my daughters to have loving families, a circle of friends, and stimulating intellectual lives.  If they hit a bump in the road, I ache. I want to fix the problem, hit the offender, shield my girls.  It’s the same for my grandsons, Graham and Will, but my job is the same.  I just don’t need to take the lead.  I’ll help prepare those boys, encourage them, and then I’ll have to set them free.  My job, your job, is to make the next generation independent, not dependent.  If they need us too much or we need them too much, they will never be secure enough to leave home. 

Years ago I was on my friend’s balcony and observed a mother bird push her squawking hatchlings to the edge of the nest and kick them out.  It was frightening.  The little birds didn’t immediately fly straight and true.  They swooped and spluttered, almost hitting the ground.  At the last possible moment, they figured it out.  We watched them soar and glide, probably showing off for their momma.  The edge of your nest may be next week – day care, preschool, kindergarten.  Be brave; give your baby birds a little push.  They may sputter, but before long they’ll soar.

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