10 Tips for Death Avoidance with Wild Animals

Last night, I was enjoying a warm fire on a patio at my Dad’s new secluded mountain property along with my sister, her husband, and of course my dad.  Which is when the conversation came up…. “You know, there might be bears up here,” my dad intones.  All of the sudden I begin to question that early morning solo run had planned.  I wanted to explore the area, but discovering the local bear community, never occurred to me.

So, what are you supposed to do if you run into a bear in the woods?  My sister had a clear idea of what she would do.  Play dead.  Hmmm.  Sounds damn near impossible to play dead on the ground if you’re feeling threatened by a brown bear and you’re alone in the woods.  So we all went down the line and stated what we thought we’d do in the given scenario.  My dad would climb a tree, Angie would play dead,  I’d just start running, my husband would make himself as large as possible and start yelling, and my brother-in-law Bo, was going to grab it’s nose and start kicking him in the gut.  Good luck with that, Bo.

I think it sounds like we’re all in trouble.  Unless the bears are easily amused.  But even just talking about it got my momma alarm bells all ringing.  What if I’m in the woods with Graham and a bear begins to stalk us?  And aren’t you supposed to run zig zag away from alligators?  What if we ever find ourselves in a river? With some crocs?  Oh, and my sister and friends are going on a safari.  What should they do if an elephant/rhino/hippo tries to attack? Or maybe a lion will escape when I’m at the zoo!  Man, I got myself all kinds of worked up.  And so, I researched.  Which leads me to: How NOT TO DIE when you encounter 10 of the most deadly animals.

Bears

Black bears hang out in our neck of the North American woods, while grizzly/brown bears are mostly found in the northwestern states, Alaska and western Canada.  This is both good and bad for us Southern folks.  Brown bears are bigger, but apparently the black bears are a little more feisty.

What to do:  If the bear is not acting aggresively, make arm waving movements, talk calmly and retreat.  If aggressive in nature: play dead, attack back or get up a tree. Fast.  Y’all are going to wanna go with me in the woods.  I won’t be able to outrun the bear but I’m going to try, so I’ll be his snack, giving you time to play dead, plan an attack, and get high in some trees.  You can thank me later.

Rattlesnakes

I think of these things as down-right mean, but upon further research, it seems they don’t really want to be mean to humans, we just happen to impose on these venomous snakes by stepping on them and unwittingly imposing our welcome.  Regardless of our intentions, however, the snake will protect itself if provoked.  Avoid reaching into snake holes, putting your hands on the snake (reaching into unknown areas), and stepping on the snake.  If you happen to meet eye to eye with one of these guys, just slowly back away.  If bitten: immobilize the area, but don’t eliminate blood flow, keep the area of body below your heart, and go to the hospital.  Duh.

Alligators/Crocodiles

These bad guys are king of their habitats.  From sharks to buffalo to humans, they can pretty much take anything (or anybody for that matter) down.

In the off chance of a wildlife encounter: RUN. AWAY FROM WATER.  Apparently, the whole zigzagging concept is out of vogue.  Just run as fast as you can.  They can’t run super fast on land for long before tiring.  Good to know.  And more motivation to stay fit in case I ever need to out run a croc.

Killer Bees

Yep, it’s all in the name.  These bees are A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.  These genetically mixed “killer bees” were accidentally let loose by some whackadoodle scientists and are now a threat.  They swarm relentlessly and will chase down their victims for miles.  (I guess this is some motivation to train for that half marathon?!?)

If you are attacked by bees, regardless of whether they are Killer Bees or not, run away and don’t stop until you can take shelter.  It is recommended to pull your shirt up over your head and neck while running, although I’m thinking this may slow you down a bit considering it reduces visibility and all.

I found one source that says if you can’t get into a shelter to cover yourself with any kind of material (tent, blankets, tarp etc.), but to be warned that unlike regular bees that give up after an hour or so, Killer Bees stay agitated for up to a full 24 hours.  Re-donk-u-lous.  Here’s a good tip, however for any bee sting: Remove all the stingers by scraping them out of your skin with a fingernail or credit card; do not squeeze them with fingers or tweezers as this will inject more venom into you.

Rhinoceros

Unfortunately Rhino’s have pretty bad sight, and run very fast (up to 40 mph).  So although they may not easily see you (or be able to distinguish you from actual prey), once they do set their mind on eating you for dinner, you’re screwed.

Sounds like we have a few options: Climb a tree or stand behind one.  (A good ol’ fashioned game of jungle hide and seek, anyone?)  Other options include standing your ground and yelling, hiding in scrub or my option of choice, running in the opposite direction of the charge.  Genius, I say, just genius.

Great White Shark

You know what’s a bad combo? Big and dumb.  Great White Sharks may not necessarily want to eat you, but the way that they figure out is taking a nibble.  Apparently, we humans, aren’t meaty enough, and bleed out to fast in the water for their tastes, but sadly that won’t keep them from taking a bite.

One genius article I found recommended that “If you feel something brush against you, get out of the water.”  Yep.  Sounds like a plan.   If you are attacked, one is to “do whatever it takes to get away.” Options suggested include yelling underwater (I think I need to practice this), blowing bubbles, and punching the shark’s nose, eye or gills.  One thing I can promise.  If I encounter a Great White Shark in open water, I don’t think I’ll stop to blow bubbles.

Elephants

Darn cute, but big.  And apparently they can get a wee bit emotional, not unlike my two-year old, and display bouts of rage.  And we know how irrational a thrashing two-year-old can be.

If you encounter an irked elephant, the experts remain standing still.  This is because most elephant charges are bluffs.  Sounds reasonable, but darn near impossible.  My recommendation: avoid irking elephants.If you are in Africa during your irked elephant experience, another option is to engage in some old-fashioned tree climbing.  Avoid the thorny trees.  I’ve heard they can be a bear.  (Or just as unpleasant as the irritated elephant).  And make sure you pick a sturdy tree.

Box Jellyfish

This guy gets credit for being the “world’s most venomous animal.”  Apparently, he prefers to hang out where scuba divers and snorkelers do not.  Lucky us.  It predominately lives in the Indonesian coast and off of Hawaii, but there have been sightings off the Eastern Coast of the U.S. in recent years.  They are tough to spot when in the water, and it is recommended that if you are in water and spot jellyfish to simply get out.  If you do get stung by any jellyfish, it’s recommended to treat the area with vinegar.  It is established the peeing (or using vodka) on the sting has no effect.  Ingesting the vodka, however, does help the victim’s state of mind (at least, that’s my personal input).  Unfortunately, if you get the box jellyfish treatment, you’ll like go into cardiac arrest and bite it before any treatment can be done to the sting.  So let’s just avoid these things. all right?

Lions

While humans are generally not on their hit-list, some lions have been known to actively seek out human prey.  Although many lions in the safari regions of Africa have become used to vehicle traffic, they still get riled up if you trample near them when tending their families or mating.  Understandable, I ‘spose.  So, if you happen to get a lion on your bad side, it is recommended to stand your ground.   Even if the lion is charging you.  Good luck with that.  It’s also recommended to scream loudly and make yourself as big as possible.  The screaming part is probably going to be the easiest.

Hippopotamus

Hippos are good ol’ vegetarians.  Lucky for us.  And upon doing some research it seems the myth that hippos are the most dangerous African animal, is actually unfounded.  But they are big.  And therefore capable of taking a person down in a nanosecond.  Therefore, if you happen to be in a zoo when a hippo gets let loose or find yourself on foot in the African plains at an unfortunate time, take note:  Hippos tend to mind their own business if given space, but if a hippopotamus decides to charge you, standing big, clapping and making noise, is of no use.  It’s tree climbing time.

Sources:
http://list25.com/the-25-most-dangerous-animals-in-the-world/5/
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-an-Encounter-with-a-Crocodile-or-Alligator
http://www.mountainnature.com/wildlife/bears/bearencounters.htm
http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-a-Rattlesnake-Attack
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=968&sid=15425426
http://www.galactic-guide.com/articles/6R94.html
http://www.chroniclebooks.com/landing-pages/Chronicle/excerpt/0811845389-e1.html
http://marinelife.about.com/od/fish/p/sharkattack_tips.htm
http://www.discoverwildlife.com/travel/how-avoid-hippo-attack