Several months ago, I was watching The Gospel, a.k.a. Oprah, as she featured a guest on her show about “Mom-isms”, who reluctantly, yet successfully, used a diaper to relieve herself while on a road trip, thereby avoiding waking up her sleeping children in the backseat to drag everyone into the public restroom. A collective gasp was heard from the Oprah audience and I too shuttered at the thought, the mere idea searing itself into my psyche.
Flash forward to a few months later on my own 6-hour road trip, when “I gotta go”…my two-year-old and 6-month-old are quietly and contently engrossed in a movie and sleeping, respectively. I stop to fill up the gas tank and proceed to have an internal debate, regarding whether or not to uproot the nirvana that is taking place in the backseat — Can I hold it another two hours until we’re home? If I do, will my bladder implode? Why can’t I have a penis at times like this? If I interrupt the kids to take care of me, what will I have to endure for the remaining hours of the trip? Would I actually get arrested if I just ran in and out, real quick? Is it worth the effort to transport two small children into a dirty, public restroom all the while, praying Ryan keeps his curious hands to himself and heeds my consistent warning when in any public restroom, “DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!”?
As I wait for the tank to fill, that appalling Oprah moment begins running circles around my brain. I finally succumb. Thankful to be wearing a dress, I grabbed Ryan’s size 5 diaper, as opposed to JJ’s size 2, acknowledging that a bigger diaper equates to more absorbency, situate the diaper just so, and release the flood gates.
Now, I’m not sure what Oprah-Mom did differently than me, but for the record, this DID NOT WORK! Granted, I suppose it could’ve been worse, but for the remaining two hours of my trip, my dress had random circles of “wet” and my car emanated the scent of urine. There WAS a bright side, in that I no longer needed to pee and the kids were still content, but ultimately and resoundingly, it was not my finest hour.
Though horrifying and unfortunate as the situation was, let us not take away nothing. Thus, I recount my lessons learned, so that one day, if you too shall ever find yourself in a similar situation, you will be better prepared than I:
1) Lay off the caffeine.
2) Invest in a GoGirl, which is specifically designed for women to give them the freedom to pee like a man. I’m not exactly sure how this would work, particularly if you’re still within the confines of your car, but I suppose, if you own a minivan, you could finagle standing somewhat upright to get the job done (tinted windows are a definite plus in the instance). A small investment nevertheless.
3) When traveling solo with the kids, pack along some Depends. It worked for the crazy astronaut, it can work for you too.
Jess, I nearly peed myself while reading this, and I’m not even sitting in a minivan! Hilarious and so true about the horrors of bringing 2 year-olds into public restrooms.
That is hilarious! I have never even considered this, but I will in the future. 🙂
Your Aunt Maryann sent this link to us (her knitting group) and I’m sure you’ll be one of the topics of conversation when we all gather tomorrow for our weekly knitting session. Thanks for sharing your funny story! : )