Hope for the Best, Plan for the Worst – My Doula Experience

In my blogs, I usually try to be witty and lighthearted. I want you to laugh with me about parenthood. So many things about having kids can be stressful, and we all need to take a step back every now and then and laugh. Poop, tantrums and mom-jeans can be funny if you let it. Which is why I’ve held back from sharing my own birth stories. It gets serious real fast, and I just don’t like to be serious on my blog. However, because I think there is something to learn from my experiences, I’m going to share a wee bit…

After having Graham, I had all of the pains from giving birth coupled with a case of post partum depression and one unbelievable tear. It was something I didn’t expect. Before having Graham, the word episiotomy was not in my vocabulary. May most of you never learn what it can involve. So, I was healing from that when about a month later I started to spontaneously hemorrhage. It required several surgeries, but eventually, I started to feel better and convinced myself that I could have another child.

Because of the complications I had with my first born, I felt the need to be super-prepared for the birth of my second child. Beyond having a well-stocked nursery and a maid on-call for the first few weeks after the planned birth, I also summoned the help of a doula to assist with post-partum care for myself and my new baby. A doula is a trained professional who provides physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and after birth. They are not midwives or doctors… they are saints.

Although, I primarily was seeking care for the post partum period, my doula, Jacqueline, also met with me prior to delivery and was there for the birth as well. She talked with me about my wishes for childbirth in our prenatal meetings (have all of us survive, medicate as necessary), she helped me in the throws of labor, and then sat with my husband when things took a turn for the worse after I delivered our baby boy.

I left the hospital several days later physically and emotionally bereft. When my doula arrived to help on my first full day home from the hospital, I cried in her arms. After pulling myself together, she watched my baby while I slept and showered. In the following days and weeks to come, she helped me give my son his first bath, walked with me around the neighborhood, and sat with me while I aired my emotions about the birth. She was my friend, my therapist, and my baby’s caregiver. She pulled me out of a very dark spot, and I could never properly thank her for that.

The only thing that I knew to do was to write about her and her craft. I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that if you are expecting a baby that you should find a doula to help you with your birth and post partum care. There are doulas of all different “birthing philosophies” so it’s important to do your research and find one that matches your needs. You may want someone to help you avoid medication during labor, someone to flag down the nearest nurse to drug you up, or someone to coach you on your options along the way.

I found Jacqueline on a local website, http://www.charlottedoulas.org/, and would encourage you to research the site as well other doula service providers, another being Doula Partners.

I wish all of you easy pregnancies and easier deliveries, but I’m of the philosophy that you hope for the best and plan for the worst. I hope this blog post will help you with the “planning.”