Best of CMF: Poop, Sweat and Tears

Best of CMF, Reality isn’t Pretty, Re-posted from June 3, 2011.

This is a day in my life.

1:00am: Really? I thought we were past the 1am feedings.
3:30 am: I’m never going to sleep again. Why can’t men feed babies?
6:00 am: I’d feel refreshed, except…. It’s six am, and I didn’t get to sleep more than two hours all night. Time to feed baby again.

6:55 am: Jon: “Katie, you wanna go on a run?”
Me: “I’m sure I can fit working out in my schedule later on in the day. I need coffee and a moment to relax before starting the day.”
6:56 am: Check email, unload dishwasher, fold two loads of clothes, take out recycling, change baby’s diaper. Feed big kid, the dog, and get breakfast for myself. Oh, and I finally pour that cup of coffee.
8:00 am: Ah… coffee.
8:02 am: Baby cries and it’s time to nurse again.

9:00 am: Fresh clothes for the kids, check my shirt for stains that would deem the shirt I slept in un-wearable for the day. Nope, we’re good.
9:30 am: Get house playdate-ready. All breakable items go into hiding. Get sandbox, sprinkler, and water table prepped. Pick up dog poop in the back yard.
9:45 am: Let dog outside to go poop.

10:00 am: Playdate time. Fun, fighting, laughing, and running. Holy crow, it’s ridiculously hot outside. Feed two kids, two adults, one baby. Everyone needs a nap. Especially me.
1:30 pm: Playdate over.
2:00 pm: With big kid in “quiet time” for the afternoon, time to blog while nursing. “Man, I’ve got skill,” I think.
2:45 pm: Blog mysteriously disappears before being published. Manipulating a keyboard with one-hand is apparently not my forte.
2:46 pm: Re-write blog.

3:00 pm: Holy shit. Both kids are sleeping. What did I say I needed time for today?
3:01 pm: Oh yeah, bummer. Time to hit the elliptical. Hurray for a new episode of the Bachelorette that I can watch while working out.
3:10 pm: The Bachelorette took a first date out to plan their wedding? What?
3:11 pm: Oh man, I’m out of shape.

3:12 pm: Graham: “Momma, I have to go bad!”
Me: “Mom is working out, you have to go potty by yourself.”
Graham: “I’m all done, can I have a candy?”
Me: “Yes, and go back to your room.”
3:16 pm: Graham: “Momma, I have to go bad!”
Me: “Mom is working out, you have to go potty by yourself.”
Graham: “I’m all done, can I have a candy?”
Me: “Graham, I’m coming down there. Did you really go potty?”
Answer: No. Dude. I totally got scammed for candy.

3:55 pm: Fastest shower ever. Never know when that baby will wake up.
4:15 pm: Baby is still asleep!!! Time for a treat. I worked out; I totally deserve it. Ice Cream with Chocolate Sauce! (I won’t confess if I actually had that second bowl I wanted.)

5:00 pm: Glorious-ness over. Poo is all over the baby, the crib sheets, and now my freshly donned clothes. Time for Spot Shot and another nursing session.
5:30 pm: Pack up to leave the house. This is no small feat.
6:00 pm: Grandma’s for dinner!

9:00 pm: Return home. Jon puts big kid to bed, I change a dirty diaper and put baby in PJ’s. Baby projectile vomits all over my third outfit for the day. Put baby back down temporarily, to clean vomit off hardwoods. Go to change my clothes, step in dog pee on our bedroom carpet. Great. Just my day.

9:15 pm: Me: “Jon, has our aggregate happiness gone down?”
Jon (while cleaning up dog pee): “Maybe…. No…. Tomorrow will be better.”
Me (while removing my vomit-soaked shirt): “I’m sure your right…..”

These are the days!