Musings from my dear friend Noelle on being a new mom. She joined the “tribe” five months ago when she became mom to her son, Byron:
On breastfeeding:
I didn’t understand what women meant when they said they “enjoyed” breastfeeding. What? For me, I just didn’t mind it… that much… after the first and horribly painful 6 weeks of my life as a new breastfeeding mom were over, and after having recruited multiple lactation consultants to come to my rescue. It was 4 months before I actually had a moment that I “enjoyed” breastfeeding. Now it makes my heart ache to think of the day my baby won’t need me in that way.
On what other people say:
It’s true what they say… it DOES get easier. There were times in the first month or two of Byron’s life when I thought, “this isn’t so bad… I got this!” Then, there were other times when I thought, “I can’t do this!” I felt the thickest post-partum fog lift at four weeks, and another fog lift at 8 weeks. It was a fog I didn’t even know was still there.
At the 3 month mark, I actually started to feel a little like myself again. Now, at 5 months, I feel pretty well adjusted to my new life, my new self. I still have no idea what I am doing. I tell myself in the hard moments, “You have only been doing this for 5 months! That’s not very long.” I have a vague notion that if/when baby #2 comes along, and I still have no idea what to do, I will tell myself, “You have only done this once before!”
I also learned within the first couple of weeks that I should keep an open mind and ear to the advice I hear from other people and the suggestions I read in books, but in the end, every mom should ABSOLUTELY do what works best for herself and her family. I didn’t fully appreciate how different every baby and every family is until I brought a baby home. You can’t let yourself get crazy when you or your babe doesn’t do what the book says you/he should be doing.
On getting out of the house—without the baby:
I highly recommend it. It is the best thing a new mom can do for herself. I went to my book club when Byron was 23 days old. It was refreshing. I felt like I hadn’t been out of the house in months. I hadn’t been able to think about anything but the baby, my boobs, my body, and my lack of sleep. I wasn’t very clear-headed for book club discussion, but I enjoyed a couple glasses of wine, accidentally passed gas, and tried to blame it on being pregnant. Ha! Actual words: “Sorry! Pregnant! Oh! Not pregnant!” Then I laughed ‘til I cried. The point is, Daddy got a small dose of what it feels like to not be able to get anything else done while caring for baby. Period. He didn’t even text or call me about anything, wanting me to fully enjoy my night out. I felt like I still existed in this world.
On support:
I thought I got a lot of attention as a pregnant lady… Now that baby is here, I’ve learned people just LOVE a baby and love to help a lady with a baby. The people at the grocery store, restaurant and other public places often go out of their way to hold open doors, assist me with carrying something or maneuvering the stroller. It’s awesome! One of my many “lifelines” has been to phone-a-friend (or mom or cousin…) when I had a question or just needed to talk.
Anyone that has had a kid, been around kids, or just knows you well enough to listen or answer questions is a blessing. I started hanging out with other new moms I met in a breastfeeding support group—really just a mom’s group. At first it was so weird to suddenly be hanging out with a bunch of babies all the time, but I got used to it and eventually began to enjoy it! It is so validating to hear that other new moms have the same issues with their husbands, challenges with sleep, and insecurities about mommyhood.
On doing it again:
Yeah, I would definitely do it again. Pregnancy is already a distant memory (thank God- 41 weeks is a long time!) and so is childbirth… ok, the memory of childbirth is not quite as distant… but thankfully the human body can’t quite recall pain the way it initially occurs. My husband asked me the other day, “did it hurt?” I said, “I know it hurt because I can remember saying ‘It hurts! It hurts!’” And look what I have to show for it: the best baby in the whole wide world!!
My message to all the new mamas out there is, “GO GIRL!! You can do it.”
**Have any other thoughts to add to the list or a comment for Noelle? Please leave a comment below!**
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