I’m on the way to my mom’s house. I’m dropping the kids off at Grandma’s so that Jon and I can have a date night. I’m jammin’ to some tunes (’cause I’m cool like that), and the kids are quietly chillin’ in the back.
And then…
Graham: “Mom, I have a question to ask Grandma when we get to her house.”
Me: “Ok!” Out of curiosity, I ask what it is. Stupid me.
Graham: “I’m going to ask Grandma why she lives alone.”
Me: Whah? Oh no. I didn’t see this coming. Do I have to explain divorce to a not-quite-five-year-old? Nope. I steer this conversation in another direction. “Well, because her kids grew up.”
Graham: “Well, why doesn’t she have more babies?”
Me: “Because that would be terrifying. Grandma already had babies. Aunt Gigi and I used to live with Grandma and Papa, and then we grew up and had families and one day you’ll grow up and have babies and you’re own family.”
Graham: “But boys can’t have babies.”
Me: “True, but you’ll marry a fantastic lady, and she’ll have babies.”
Graham: “How do you know boys can’t have babies? Mom. How do you know?
Me: Now a sex talk? Seriously? I contemplate having THE TALK, but I just can’t get myself to start. “Graham, boys have boy parts and girls have girl parts. It’s just an anatomical fact.”
Graham: “My great-great grandpa is DEAD!”
Me: Dude. Ok. I got this. “Yep, he is, but he had a family which had a family, which had a family and now you’re here. That’s how things go.”
Graham: “Mom, will you always be my mommy? Even when I’m in middle school?”
Me: “Yes, Graham, I’ll always be your mommy.”
Graham: “But, mommy, what if you’re DEAD when I’m in middle school?”
Me: Now, my head is spinning. He’s contemplating my demise. Must focus on the road. And answer some of life’s most philosophical questions. All while trying to sound light-hearted about it. “Well, Graham, I don’t plan to die anytime soon, but I’ll always be your mommy.”
Graham: “Your mommy is still living and you’re a grownup, so you’ll still be living when I’m a grownup!”
Me: “Um, sure!” Not necessarily rational, but finally, I like the way he’s thinking.
Graham: “How do you know people die?”
Me: “Everybody dies.”
Graham: “Is dying good or bad?”
Me: “Hey boys! Look at the trucks! Do you hear that firetruck? OH MY GOSH look at those flowers. They’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen! Graham? Did you know that mommy played flute in middle school? Hey Graham? What’d you have for lunch today? Do you like pepperoni pizza?”
Lesson 1: Never jam to your favorite tunes on the way to Grandma’s and think you can get away with it.
Lesson 2: Never let an inquisitive almost-five-year-old steer a conversation unless you plan to have answers for all of life’s greatest mysteries.
LOL! That is A LOT of conversation for one car ride! 😉 Sounds like you handled it perfectly, though! 🙂
Hah! Thanks Ashley. It was an “interesting” ride!
I did not get asked that question. But one of his recent questions was, “Grama, how do babies get out of their mommies’ tummies?” The correct answer came to me immediately, “I know, let’s have ice cream!” He bought it. I think Katie and I are related!
How long do you think that trick is going to last??? I’m gonna have to confront this one day. The kid is persistent!
Very cute! My Haley hasnt asked that many questions in her whole life. I think she is preparing some self respecting notion that I will return the favor when she is a teenager. Not likely.
So you’re saying you get to drive in peace? How nice!
loved this post!