You know who’s quick to throw a mom under a bus? A fellow mom. Have you experienced the mom-judgement? It’s fierce. Fierce, I tell you.
As a mom to three and an organizer of a 1,300+ mom-member playgroup, I’ve learned to grow thick skin and have a strict “If the kids are alive at the end of the day” no-judgement policy.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case with a lot of mommas. Especially the ones that live behind screen names and avatars. Don’t get me wrong – I appreciate all of my readers, even the ones that make me second guess my parenting skills and style – I don’t know where I’d be without y’all! But, sometimes, it hurts. Criticism and negative feedback can be tough!
And, so it’s with a total understanding that I may get slammed that I share a secret with you:
I’m not a fan of breastfeeding.
Whah? Stop the presses. Mom Favorites hates breastfeeding? She’s a terrible mom. Someone call Child Services!
See?!? I got the hate mail out of the way for you. Ready to discuss this rationally?
Let me explain: With my first son, I had complications. A whole host of issues that didn’t get resolved until nearly six weeks after he was born. I had a lot of healing to do after birth, and my milk to never fully come in. Plus, I think most first-time moms go into a little bit of shock after baby is born. Regardless, nursing was never really established. I pumped like crazy his first few months of life, had to feed him with bottles, and I was miserable.
My second kid, despite my apprehensions, was easier. Nursing went smoothly, it was just such a time suck. Pun intended. Whenever the baby was cranky, everyone assumed he must be hungry, and was therefore always my issue. And, middle of the night feedings? Yup, all me too.
With the third, I had severe complications. After surgery, I was still nursing. Forget recovery sleep, baby had to be fed. And then once I was better, I was balancing three kids, a full time job, and trying to have a baby on the boob every three hours. Not to mention his milk allergy, which forced me to cut out dairy…
Is it worth it? I dunno. Depends on who you ask, I guess. Everyone advocates that “Breast is Best,” but at what cost? And why, exactly?
Will my baby have fewer allergies in life? What’s the difference if I nurse for three months or six? How much higher an IQ will he have? Would I have been smarter if my mom had breast fed me? Is it worth it to nurse if it prevents mom from bonding with baby?
If you ask me, it’s the OFFICIAL Great Debate of Parenting! Ok, there are a few others like: Can you be a good mom and a working mom? Should you be allowed a glass of wine when pregnant? Should you let your kids have a cell phone?
Yeah, parenting is tough. You have to make tough decisions. But, fortunately, there are good resources to help you make the decisions that are best for you. Check out Yahoo! Parenting for engaging content on these and more Great Debates. You’ll get BOTH sides of the story (which I appreciate), and some good references too.
Now, I gotta ask: What gets you? Do you have a Great Debate when it comes to parenting?
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
i have been having this major internal debate for the past month. I nursed twins for 12 months with no supplementing but did end up doing a lot of pumping and bottle feeding. I now have a 7 month old and my twins are 2.5. My milk supply tanked after a recent surgery and I had to pump and dump for a week after due to medications. I blew through my freezer stash and am how having to rely on formula to help me out. I seriously cried while staring at the “container of failure” thinking poor third kid never gets as much as the first. But then I came to my sense and realized that breast is best when it works for your family. Pumping every three hours wasn’t working for my family, stressing at how many ounces I was producing wasn’t best for my family, missing outings to pump wasn’t best for my family. I’m now pumping 3x times a day (morning, nap time, and my bedtime- all times that don’t take me away from my family) and 3/5 bottles my son gets are breast milk and two are formula and I am HAPPY! I’m spending more time playing with my babies and that is the most important thing to me! So my take- Whatever works for you and your family is best as long as your foundation is love.
I’m so glad for your comment and happy things are going well for you! Enough with the guilt! Each kid, each baby, each mom is different. 🙂
I’m sure you’ve probably seen this “You’re a Good Mom” quote, but I love it and I come back to it in moments of self doubt or frustration… If you haven’t seen it, yet, please enjoy!
http://www.babysavers.com/parenting-quote-to-the-mom-whos/
LOVE!
LOVED this post! The guilt over this topic is UNREAL and I thought people were exaggerating when prepping me before my first child. The guilt also came within my OWN family! It was insane. I was secretly relieved to find out I had an extremely severe case of mastitis when my first child was 6 weeks old. I was told by my doctor to start formula because I was unable to pump or breast feed. I remember asking if I could get that in writing! I bottle fed my 2nd and 3rd child and I pumped for 2 months with my 4th. Pumping was horrible for me. When I wasn’t attached to this milk sucking machine I was feeding him the bottle. I am a HUGE advocate that what is best for Mommy is best for Baby. A stressed, crazy Mom doesn’t do anyone in my family any good. I wish breast feeding came easily for me, but it didn’t. I also have been told (by the same family member I felt the need to show my Dr’s note to) that my child will be happy with anyone holding them because I didn’t breast feed and form that bond with him. I always keep my cool, but that moment I lost it! I still lovingly hold my child while feeding him a bottle and there is not one doubt in my mind that I don’t have the most amazing bond with him. I can’t believe this is such a hot topic! Wish us moms could stick together a little more! The #1 thing I needed as young/new mom was support!
So true, Beth! Sorry you didn’t feel supported when you needed it. 🙁
I think the worst part of the mom guilt comes from ourselves. Yes, other moms can be unkind and opinionated. Family and friends voice their (unwelcome) opinions as well. But at the end of the day, it’s your child and your decision. Who gives a flying freak what you do? If you feel guilt about not nursing, that’s on you. Either because you knew it was best for baby deep down or because you couldn’t handle the commitment in your life at the time or you aren’t super mom or your body failed you or whatever the reason is. But you do NOT need to justify the why. It was your decision to make. Period. If we women would stop caring so much about what other women think about us by feeling the need to offer others what are essentially our excuses/apologies for not nursing (or whatever decision it was) we will all be a lot happier. Own the decision and move on!
You are so right. We are our own worst critics!
I posted on the same topic (found you via Clever Girls on Pinterest!). Amazing how everyone has to stick their noses in where it doesn’t belong…as in, what goes into your kids’ mouths. Grr.
Right? Thanks for stopping by!
I was raised by a mother who formula-fed me and my sister. She led me to believe that breastfeeding was somehow disgusting, so I had that attitude my whole life… until I gave birth. After 20+ hours of labor and a very unsupportive team of professionals, I had a c-section. The one thing I realized I could do for my daughter was breastfeed her. Problem was, I had a lumpectomy on my right breast and an augmentation, so I wasn’t sure I could. But I WAS able to! And realizing that I was able to provide my daughter with all the comfort and nourishment she needed, to continue the symbiotic relationship we established at conception, was beyond amazing. I breastfed my daughter for almost 15 months, and shortly after, I was pregnant with my son, who I breastfed for 3 years. Now, what’s most important to me is this idea of “food” or “feeding”. Did my son NEED breastmilk until he was 3 years old? Absolutely not, but he needed me in the capacity that was most comforting to him, and it happened to be breastfeeding. The symbiosis, my children relied on me to develop in a manner that is healthy physically and emotionally – as I relied on them to alleviate me of any pressure/pain that happens if you go to long between feedings – was simply incredible. An experience I was more than blessed to have shared with them. And boy do I miss it…
Thanks for sharing your experience!