Skipping the Double Stroller: On Waiting to Have a Second, by Guest Blogger Aurora DeLuca

Lately, I have been inundated with baby announcements, conversations about having a second child and the constant question, “when are you going to start trying for a second?” The little secret is, we want to wait before we make that decision. Once I let out that little fact, most reply with simple curiosity, but others are more aggressive. These responses range from “Oh, well, that’s ok for YOU, you’re so young,” to “Don’t you want to have them close together, so they can play?” or “Don’t you want a big family?”

My age aside, let me respond to some questions and concerns. First of all, let me put fears of missed playtime to rest. I was raised with a sister who was seven years older than I, and a brother seven years younger. I, as an adult, am very close to both of them despite the fact that they both live in New York and I am now in Charlotte. We visit each other, chat on the phone, plan holidays, and generally enjoy each other’s company, more than many siblings that are closer in age. So what about our childhood? I can’t say we missed out, because I don’t really know, but I did know many friends who fought constantly or ignored each other completely with their close siblings (along with many others who got along tremendously with their siblings). Dreams of camaraderie were replaced by constant bickering. In my family, my sister and I didn’t really come into our relationship until we were older, because of different interests growing up. However, my brother and I were always close, from the day we brought him home. We did fight over trucks and in the car, but we played together well.

But there’s more. As an adult, my sister is not only a friend, but also a mentor. She helped me organize my wedding, and has been essential in helping me parent. She has given me job advice, friendship advice and (pre-marriage) boyfriend advice. I can talk to her about anything, and usually she has some wisdom to offer. I hope we provide the same for my brother, a ballet dancer at the beginning of his career, who is always just a phone call away.

Moreover, I believe having them further apart gives me an opportunity to enjoy each child individually (we want no more than two). I have been told this is selfish, and perhaps it is. I want to sit back and enjoy my son, because these first few years are the only ones of him I’m going to get before friends and school start to replace mamahood with momhood. I want to enjoy these preschool years before I start thinking about another, and then I want to enjoy those years with my second as well. These are the only years I get to be selfish.

Of course, my hormones are as fired up as the next new mama, and I do get that monthly urge to have a second, much to my husband’s chagrin. I do have a pang of jealousy when I hear that another mom is pregnant with her second, and, occasionally, I do feel a bit left out of the conversation. But when I consider my family goals, that my son is still struggling with sleeping through the night, and that we’re still diapering and nursing, I can’t quite imagine another right now. Though simply writing this article may have jinxed me, I realize that skipping the double stroller is best for my family.