One of my best friends called me the other day. She was feeling overwhelmed by motherhood. Cheers to that, I thought. Welcome to the club.
Sometimes we have those days and think: “Self: I rocked this day. I can handle anything that comes my way.” And some days (or even weeks), we want to crawl up in the fetal position in a corner somewhere and let the tidal wave of duty and obligation wash over us.
Motherhood is tough, and it can be hard to admit. Take Facebook, for example. Peruse your friends profiles that have children. What you’ll see is a display of grinning kids, perfect pancakes, and happy kids at the zoo. Where’s the temper tantrum over not getting candy in the grocery store line? The piles of laundry that have not (and may never be) folded? The admissions that sometimes life isn’t picture perfect?
As my friend was choking on tears of mom-guilt and stress, I realized that I was as guilty as the rest of world of portraying the “I’ve got it all together” image rather than the “I’m holding my life together with band aids and duct tape” that I often feel.
In order to cheer her up, I began to recount the stories of failure that I’ve suffered as a parent:
I told her how when Graham was at his six month appointment, I told the doctor, that no, my son wasn’t rolling yet. And then, just moments later, as I turned around to get a diaper from my bag, Graham proceeded to roll off the doctor’s table. Onto the ground. This of course was followed with massive screaming, the doctor rushing back into the room, and tears of my own. I had disobeyed Mom Rule #1: Always keep one hand on your child when they are on a table.
I told her how just the other day, I missed Graham’s bus drop off. It was his third day of riding his bus home from Kindergarten. The bus had been late the last two days, and so I used the restroom instead of rushing out to the bus stop at 3:03. I stepped out of the house to see the bus pull away from the stop. I ran to the pickup, only to find my son wasn’t there. I chased the bus to the next stop (a sight to see, I’m sure), screaming Graham’s name.
I made it to that stop seconds after the bus pulled away. Frantically, I asked the children if they knew if Graham was on the bus. They informed me that yes, he was on the bus and visibly upset that he couldn’t get off at his stop. I called the school, and they told me that the bus would drop him off at the end of the route. I waited patiently and nervously with a pit in my stomach. Thirty minutes later the bus returned. I apologized to the driver and was ready to greet my scared child.
Instead, he bounded off the bus and declared, “That was the best bus ride EVER! I got to see where all my friends live and got to talk to the bus driver!” It made me feel better to know that he wasn’t scarred for life, but if I’m to be honest, I think I was. I had disobeyed Mom Rule #2: Always be there for your child when they need you.
I told my friend that when I dropped Will off for his first day of Mom’s Morning Out I forgot to pack his snack, lunch, AND his diapers. Yes. I totally failed. I had disobeyed Mom Rule #3: Always have diapers and snacks. And although his bum may have been a little red, and the raisins I found in the back of the car may or may not have filled him up for the three hours of the program, when I offered to take him to frozen yogurt after pick-up, I can assure you of one thing: He was nothing but smiles.
Those are all things that I never intended to blog about. I didn’t want to share those stories with my friend. And, you can bet I didn’t post them on Facebook. But, I think it goes to show: We all goof. Every parent has successes and failures. But, our kids rebound. My child didn’t seem any the worse for wear when I picked him up off the doctor’s floor, and he seemed to come out okay after his long bus ride. Will was just fine after a scoop of fro yo and a Desitin application during his next diaper change.
Kids are resilient. It’s us parents that take a little longer to heal.
So, let’s be honest: Have you had a recent Mom Fail? Be brave and share!
Ha! I totally pulled a big ol’ failure like your 2nd one! They dropped him off anyway, and he walked up the hill around the bend to our house, only to find that I was not home! I was stuck in traffic on Providence Rd, trying to get to the bus stop… I saw the bus pulling out of our neighborhood as I was pulling in. Drove like a mad woman home, and found my scared & relatively “scarred” little boy on the back porch sobbing hysterically bc I wasn’t there. Total mom fail!
Happens to the best of us, apparently. I can tell you I now have about three alarms that go off in the house when it’s close to the bus drop off time! Thanks for sharing your “moment!” What doesn’t kill ya…. 😉
I share my motherhood imperfections often on my blog. I think it’s so important for other moms to see that being a mom doesn’t mean living up this impossible standard. All we can do is strive to be the parents our children need and do our best. And if in doing our best we hit a few bumps in the road, then we just have to dust ourselves off and keep going.
It was nice of you to comfort your friend by sharing some of your hurdles you’ve experienced.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I, too, am going to try and share more bumps in the road in the future. No mom should ever feel like she’s the only one that struggles!
GMA just did a story about the obsession with Instagram and showing our children in a positive light (all the time.
Here’s a look at it: http://gma.yahoo.com/video/parental-pride-instagram-obsession-125935598.html
yep 🙁 just had the fall off the bed last night. I was changing my litle guy (16 months), and he was home sick with diarrhea so he had a pretty awful rash. This was the 4th change in under 30 minutes. I had to turn and grab the diaper cream behind me, and (literally 5 seconds later) turned back to see him catapult off the bed, face first. big mom fail. He cried, I cried. Poor guy scraped his forehead and even took a tiny chip off his front tooth. I still feel like a major idiot.
I joined a “Mom Group” to socialize my kid, but have found being socialized as a mom has helped me more than anything…there is no greater reassurance than to hear that not only do we all have “fails” but that we all feel horrible for as long as we want or need to…and then move on to the next thing…because there will always be a next thing. The thing I fail at the most and it’s nearly every day, is not keeping my calm voice…my mother never (and I mean never) yelled at me…why do I yell at my kid? If I have a day when I don’t I am proud of myself. If I have a day when I do, I lay awake at night and thank God for my beautiful, innocent, sweet child and recommit myself to being my best for her. It’s ok that she sees reality – that people aren’t always in a good mood and that people you love can really make you mad. It’s also ok for me to want to be a better person for my kid…right 🙂