I’m supposed to be happy, right? Glad that the world is starting to open up? That summer is here. But instead, I’m just sad.
With children in preschool, elementary, middle, and high school, I’m seeing how our community is wrapping up the school year. The communications are filled with optimistic words, while it’s obvious… our hearts are breaking for all of the missed moments. Proms and graduations simply cancelled. Award ceremonies via zoom calls. TK graduations via drive through.
Meanwhile, I opened up my calendar today. My (paper) calendar that’s been closed for the last 9 weeks as we’ve had nothing to schedule. I’ve already used an entire white out pen to cross out all upcoming plans.
Graham won’t be going to the sleep away camp – might not seem like a big deal to you, but to a 12 year old, those two weeks were everything. Our family trip to Chicago for a wedding… cancelled. And that trip to Italy. Yeah, that ain’t happening.
The losses feel staggering. My husband got laid off last week. Our nanny, whom we’ve had for the last six years, is leaving our family to begin a new career. Mirriam, our exchange student from Ghana who has been with us since August, will be parting at a moment’s notice, likely in a few days.
I just cancelled a meetup group that I started in 2008 when my first child was born. There are/were nearly 2,000 moms in that group. I just pushed a button and ‘poof.’ Gone. No more moms and babies meeting to offer comfort when they need it most. My heart is aching.
We have our health and a roof over our heads. I’m not worried about feeding our children. I’m not suffering the way many are. But damn. Doesn’t this just suck?
I know. Day by day. I’m trying to find joy in the moment. But, I just felt like venting, and I have a blog, so I did.
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